Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Awesomely Worthless Gifts...

With the economy in the toilet, there is a lot of stress that goes into holiday shopping. Face it, you can't afford Macy's or Brookstone's this year and it's looking like T.J Max may even be a stretch. I have heard that people are setting budgets of under $20 a person and I think that's a very responsible thing to do when times are tough. The problem is that though budgets are down, prices are up and twenty bucks will only get you a few pairs of tube socks and a jar of mayo, if your lucky. And who wants that?..The answer is no one. (Did you hear that, grandma?) So, the Mouthy Mommy put herself to the test and came up with a few awesomely worthless gifts for you to give your loved ones this year. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep them from being crappy, but I was able to find things that are fun and most importantly functional. Get ready to shop folks. Here is this years best worthless gifts for under $20!

Saving the environment is huge right now. You see these totes in all the stores and you may have purchased one in a moment of guilt. (The state of the Earth really is an Inconvenient Truth ) But do you ever remember to use it? I'm guessing you don't, because A) most of you don't really give a damn about the environment and B) I know for a fact you enjoy using those plastic grocery bags for everything, from raping paper to trash bags. So why buy this bag? Well, for one, it's a terrific conversation starter and two, it's not for you, douche nozzle. It's for someone who actually loves Mother Earth or at least wants people to think they do. Stop being selfish and buy this bag. It's a steal at $6.99 and it can be found at; http://www.perpetualkid.com/leave-bag-in-car-shopping-bag.aspx

My husband can't remember shit and every time I send him out with a grocery list, he loses it or forgets to read it. That's why this year for Hanukkah he's receiving To-Do Tattoo's. Nothing says I wear the pants in this family like a sleeve tattoo of honey do's. They are $3.49 at; http://www.perpetualkid.com/to-do-tattoo.aspx .

Another big craze right now is that Jesus character. Every where you look some one's sporting a What would Jesus do? piece of jewelry. That's why I love this Ask Jesus, magic answer maker. Now people can stop wondering and start delivering the rapture as Jesus would have. Get your Bible buds their own personal 11 inch Jesus today. He will only set you back $19.99 and he's at;

Sticking with the magically glorious Magic Eight Ball design, is the Instant Excuse finder. Help your brother get out of visiting his in-laws or maybe give your best bud a fast excuse for ditching work after a long night of banging cheap tranny hookers. It's the perfect gift for anyone! It cost $ 4.69 and can be found at; http://www.amazon.com/CloseoutZone-11853-Instant-Excuse-Ball/dp/B001DNA1VG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1259692229&sr=8-1

Have a whiny, brooding teen in the family? Check out this soap. Though it's tear free it's sure to give them something to cry about. Also, it kills two birds with one stone. It cuts and keeps the wounds clean. After all, kids want attention, not an infection. Ha! I crack myself up... The soap is $6.95 and can be found at; http://www.fetosoap.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=43

These bacon strip bandages are super cool and fit nicely into a stocking. A box of 15 are $3.99 and are sold at; http://www.perpetualkid.com/bacon-bandages.aspx

For the neurotic hypochondriac in the family, check out The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You. That kook you love will be able to easily find what's killing them by self diagnosing using all of their symptoms (real or imagined) in this one of a kind book. If you really want to splurge, pair this book with the Bacon Bandages. The book is $19.99 and can be found at; http://www.perpetualkid.com/manual-of-things-that-might-kill-you.aspx

Know a clean freak. Here's a gift that shows how obnoxious you find them. OCD man comes with a sanitary wipe, latex gloves and a informative list of compulsions. It's $8.95 and sold at; http://www.amazon.com/Novelty-Figures-11561-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/B000CA0H0Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1259692267&sr=1-1

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