Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Space To Face...

Today is going to be 10% life lesson and 90% about me. The 10% life lesson today will be on the importance of personal space and respecting other's. The 90% about me, is simply because I'm self centered. You should all be very familiar with this by now. I'm honestly shocked if you're not.

Ok, now that you know that I am about to educate you, I need you to take a moment and put your listening cap on ( or foil helmet if you wish). We are going to start today's lesson with an exercise.

First, I need you to take a deep breath and slowly rise from your desk. Stand fully erect- arms at your side- and slowly raise them to chest height. Now that you look like a complete asshole, let's take it one step further and have you spin around- slowly- with your arms still raised....Hit anyone?..If you did, don't apologies. Just let that eagle smack be a lesson to the space invader next to you about the importance of breathing room. Then sit down and be thankful that as a Mouthy Mommy reader, you didn't have to learn the hard way like that schmuck... As always, you're welcome.

The point of the exercise is to give you an idea of where your personal space is. Anything within that circle you made is all yours and you have every right to protect and defend it. This goes for everyone. So, if you're guilty of face talking or hovering, it's time to check yourself and face the reality that no one on this earth is interested in being just one flap of skin short of a side show attraction with you. This is a fact. If you don't believe me, you can Google it.

Now to the important part, my story and the reason for this lesson...

Earlier this month I entered a building a few paces behind a physician that I have been trying to get business out of for months. When we got to the elevators, I cheerfully said,"hello". Doc in reply to my nicety nodded and smiled as he stepped closer to inspect my name badge. At the time I thought that he was trying not to be rude and wanted to get my name before continuing our conversation. Well, I was half right...It turns out that Doc is your run-of-the-mill face talker and instead of backing up and starting a conversation, he straightened himself out of his- badge studying- crouch and began speaking to me right where he stood. In my face, arms gently pressed against mine. My first reaction was to reach for my rape whistle, but then I remembered how crummy my numbers were for the month and decided to ride out the space invasions until the elevator opened and I could make my escape.

It was after only a few quick exchanges that I heard the "ding" of the elevator as it opened and I all but ran to the small space that was to be my freedom. Unfortunately, Doc had somehow managed to become one with my button down shirt and like my very own parasitic twin-followed me in. If you couldn't tell by now, I am not a fan of physical contact. And I don't discriminate, this goes for everyone, friends and family included. So because of this you can just imagine how the breath of a stranger smacking across my face, while my body is gently being caressed by a white lab coat would have my stress level rising to amazing heights. I took everything I had to fight back the urge to shove him out of my face and scream "BACK THE FUCK UP", but I decided to take one for the team and quickly found a new- business friendly- way to escape. You see, he was going to the 5th floor and now because of our exchange and his general proximity- I wasn't. I rerouted and got off on the 2nd. I had no business there, but I would be damned if I would smell his breath for another four floors.

Though it seems that I am -on most occasions- just being a bitch, I actually did my research this time and found a great article that explains why so many people- crazy and kind alike- have an issue with face talking space invaders. I urge you all to check out Time magazine's article, "Problem with Close-Talking? Blame the Brain." Here's the link if you are interested http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1919910,00.html ....I told you it was a fact and because I love you so much, I did the work and Googled it... Again, you're welcome!