Thursday, September 29, 2011

Go Ahead...Drink the Kool Aide.

Hello world...I know it's been a while but I'm back for a short moment and I would love nothing more than to catch you up on the Mouthy Mommy's misadventures. The problem is that my brain is so over crowded with work stress that I can't manage to get one coherent thought that isn't related to healthcare. So I decided to fill you in on one of my favorite work moments. I know. I know. It's your lucky day!

I would like to start my story like a shit cupcake. I'll start with the bad(the frosting if you will) and end on the high (a little devils food cake)... Also, is anyone else loving the term "shit cupcake" as much as I am? It's genius! But I digress...

A few months ago I was FIRED from the company I worked with for roughly a year and three months. Was I upset? Sort of. Was I scared about having to start over? Kind of. Was I surprised ? Not even a little bit. You see, the problem with being a Mouthy Mommy( Or Mouthy Account Executive in my case) is that you tend to fly right in the radar zone. And it turns out that Corporate America would very much appreciate you keeping your trap shut and your opinions to yourself. I guess if you're a mindless sheep or a complete dip shit this is a suiting environment. If you're a mouthy opinionated bitch...Not so much.

So, like so many, many, many times in my life, I was called into my bosses office and asked to turn in my badge. Only this time instead of crying and begging for my job, I felt a strange sense of relief and pride. In part because I manged to be a lady and not tell a single person in the office to go fuck themselves on my way out the door, but also because I needed a reason to leave that miserable place and there is no way I would have left on my own. After all, I have a serious shopping habit to support! As well as a kid and a husband...

For three unemployed weeks I reflected on where I went wrong. Why was I so miserable there and why did they let me go? Well, the misery part was easy. I just didn't enjoy working for people who expect you to fail and give you all the tools to do so gloriously. If you force me to do things "your way" and then blame me for not being successful, you really are just the worst type of asshole and I will be sure to tell you so. And there my friends is the "why" part. I think I sealed my fate the day I called my boss Hitler during an argument and then topped it off by stating that the CEO has a Messiah complex that requires more Kool Aide drinking than a Jim Jones movement. I may have also suggested that we start sacrificing a goat Monday mornings to a statue made in the likeness of said CEO all in the hopes that his mightiness would be pleased and keep me and the rest of the bottom feeders employed a bit longer. Needless to say, my manager was not amused and it was exactly 4 days later that I received the boot.

I hear when people are laid off there's a small bereavement period. A time where you cry and morn the loss of your weekly pay check. I gave myself exactly five minutes to feel sorry and sad and not a minute more. I knew that I would find something new and I knew that from that point on I was no longer going to settle for being miserable at the hands of those I work for. In the words of a good friend and colleague of mine "healthcare is a motherfucker of an industry". It is a soul crushing, constantly changing monster filled with pressure and failure. One month you're on top and the next you're on the chopping block all while you pound the pavement in 6 inch heels, knocking on doors in the hot Florida sun. Doors that have already been entered by 352 of your competitors who have not only been doing it longer than you, but who also buy better lunches and give away nicer pens. I guess the same could be said about anyone in sales, but for someone like myself who sells a healthcare "concept" instead of a tangible product, I cant help but think that selling vacuum cleaners door to door would be a cake walk.

Now to wrap things up quickly, here my friends is my happy ending...

I now work for people I love. I've been here a few months and yes, I still struggle to meet my goals. This "motherfucker" of an industry has chewed me up and spit me out. I am working my ass off everyday without reaping the rewards I feel that I should. Today my 352 competitors kicked my ass and I did not receive as much as one new referral. As disheartening as that is, tomorrow I will get up, strap on my 6 inch heels and pound the pavement in the hot Florida sun. I will be told "NO" far more times than yes and I will take it all in with a smile. Then God willing, I will wake up the next morning and do it all again. Why? Because I love who I work for and I know that they care about me. It's cliche' I know, but I promise it is a fact, that when you work for people who build you up, it makes it a hell of a lot harder for the industry to tear you down. That said, I'm also not an idiot...If anyone's interested my resume can be found on :)