Wednesday, July 14, 2010


"Technology... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other." ~C.P. Snow, New York Times, 15 March 1971

Ok, so taking a job that requires me to drive around all day to set locations is turning out to be a nightmare. Though it in part has to do with my terrible sense of direction, it has more to do with the car navigation system I hijacked from my more oriented husband.

In the last 2 weeks since I've started using- what I refer to as- the "Mug-gellan" car navigation system, I have had more near death experiences and trips through seedy neighborhoods than most crack heads do when they have 40 bucks in their pocket and a bicycle at their disposal. There is no doubt that one day this thing will lead to me being mugged or at this rate dead. As the days go on I am becoming increasingly suspicious of this -seemingly- benign piece of equipment. And though I feel crazy asking this- is it possible for an electronic to try to kill you?

If I haven't made it clear, my Mug-gellan is a real asshole! Today, instead of directing me to make a quick u-turn in order to arrive on time and safely to my destination, it advised me to turn onto a small side street and continue 3 blocks to a crack house. This is not a joke or a lie. Muggy -as I will refer to it from here on- insisted (in its high soprano girl voice) that I must turn left onto 36th street. The problem was that 36th Street had been replaced by one of the most dilapidated shacks I have ever seen and in front of said shack, sat two skinny toothless men on 5 gallon paint buckets. (Sadly dad, no shower caps) It looked like something straight out of the TV show "Cops" and as I sat in my car- quickly adjusting my door locks- I couldn't help but wonder how long it would take real cops to get here if I needed assistance. I also contemplated whether or not a crack den would moon light as a Xanax distribution center, but I didn't want a reason to thank Muggy for sending me into the hood.

Thankfully, I was able to backtrack my way out of there alive and sober. I also managed to find my way- completely unassisted- to the smart untainted u-turn. I felt a real sense of accomplishment when I got to my destination with just seconds to spare-all by my own doing, might I add- and silently wondered why I didn't just go old school and use a fucking paper map. After all it's not like this was the first time Muggy pulled a stunt like this. Last week she insisted that every location I programed in did not exist, tried to make me turn on a one way the wrong way and once she even called me a cunt... Ok, that last parts a lie, but I'm sure she was thinking it.


  1. Ha. Be careful out there! Also, if your Magellan is anything like my Garmin, there's a setting where you tell it whether or not to avoid u-turns. You maybe wanna turn that off.

  2. maybe your GPS has a drinking problem?

  3. Jennie! You're pretty lucky girl. Be careful out there! I got the Garmin too. It's very user freindly and pretty accurate. There are more cops in those neighborhoods than you think. Unfortunately, they're probably undercover and couldn't help you if you ran into a problem. My solution would be to arm yourself - probably take one of those gun safety courses and get licensed. Or pick up some pepper spray or a bat for that matter. My saying is better to have it and not need it - than to need it and not have it! You don't want to find yourself in a bad situation with nothing to rely on. I say this from an experience that I was very lucky to walk away from. Bullets zinging by your head is something you don't want to gamble with. Take care Jennie and be safe!

  4. Thanks for the concern Mouthinites! I have managed to survive yet another few days working with the Muggy. Thought I appriciate the idea of packing heat Joey, know that nothing good can come from me owning a weapon.- Mouthy Mommy