Friday, July 2, 2010

The First Days Of New

"Though the candle flickers, the flame is never gone."- Colin Hay

Miss me?I know it's long overdue, but here's a quick run down of what I've been up to for the last three weeks...

When I woke up 3 weeks ago to the first day of my new job- I felt as though it was the first day of school. I had a fancy new outfit, a belly full of butterflies and absolutely no idea if my new peers were going to like me. Now while I'm sure everyone has jitters on their first day, I found that mine were intensified by the fact- that for the last four years- I've been nothing more than a domestically challenged housewitch with a babysitting gig. And during those years, the hardest decision I ever had to make was whether to go with Pampers or Huggies. Besides keeping my kid alive, ignoring house work and writing this shitty blog-I've had nowhere to be and no one to impress. I guess that's why I'm finding it so super exciting to put on a pair of pants that contain not only a working zipper, but also a full set of belt loops too. Though I am a little disappointed that I will be required to brush my hair AND wear a bra everyday, it seem- to me at least- a small price to pay for my new found freedom.

So far my new peers are treating me well. They all seem to be off balanced enough to get me and nice enough to fake it if they don't. Because I am the "new kid" it's very easy to be overlooked and ignored. I have decided to combat this by asserting myself into their conversations at inappropriate times with random comments about my IBT's (itty bitty titties) and willingness to sell my son on ebay to increase our yearly sales budget.

Moving on to office matters, I have decided to keep a safe distance from my new office whenever possible. This because I am a serial copier and fax murderer. I have single handedly broken 1 fax and 2 copiers since I've started and have been ban from ever using one or the other without assistance because of it. My thoughts on all of this are simple- I'm paid to talk to Doctors and Gomers. Anything above and beyond that will require more money and training. I didn't attend college for roughly three years to make copies (or earn a degree, apparently).

Now to my son. The little bastard is doing amazing without me. If any of you follow my misadventures on Facebook, you may have already read that two days after I left him to fend for himself, he decided to start doing his pees and poops on the potty like a big boy. I know I should be proud, but really I just feel like my three year old has given me the middle finger. I'm honestly not surprised though. He has managed to come to all of his big milestones without me. That's right, this stay at home mom was not there for the first time her baby crawled, walked or cut a tooth. It's seems unbelievable that I would miss all of these things, but what can I say- my kids kind of a dick like that. Oh well, he'll have other first I'm sure I'll be a part of someday. Like maybe I'll be the one to bail him out the first time he's carted off to prison. You never now, but I am hopeful.

I guess I should apologise for how long it has taken me to get back here. It's difficult when there is very little that I can talk about when it comes to my job. It's not like I'm working for the CIA, but there are HIPPA rules to abide by and I would hate to say anything about someone I work with and get fired for it. Wait, let me rephrase that... I would hate to say something behind the back of someone I work with and get fired for it. Also, because I'm no longer spending quality time with my kiddo, I'm limited on my motherly shenanigans too. It's tough being out in real world, but I promise to make the best of it and share all that I can with you. See you soon...-MM

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