Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Worthless Wednesday Dreams and Ambitions

This instalment of "You Are Worthless" Wednesday, is brought to you by your dreams and ambitions. Enjoy!

"You don't have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say that you're pretty much just like everybody else."-Walter T. Pratt

You are not that original!

**Do you have a great and original idea? Guess what, it turns out a lot of other people have the same great and original idea too. Bummer... Here are a few theories on why this is.

My BFF seems to think that when you speak an idea out lout it travels through space and is capable of penetrating many minds. Minds that are not only faster than ours, but that are a lot smarter too. Sound crazy? Think about all the times you've shot up in the middle of the night with a great idea only to find a few months later it's already been put in motion. According to my BFF, if you discussed your idea with anyone, you have no one to blame but yourself. Personally, I believe that I'm not that smart or original. If I can think it, chances are someone else already has and they are probably a lot more motivated than I am.

The Fix:
Maybe a tinfoil helmet would cut down on the brainwave leakage? You could always try that the next time you decide to dream big.

"When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Keep thinking. I bet you're stumped"-Walter T. Pratt

Some of your good ideas really suck.
**Sometimes there is a reason that invention you came up with hasn't been made yet. The reason is that no one would buy it.

Last week while I was working hard on my new business venture, (a venture that is strictly centered around my writing) my husband came to me with a ONE OF A KIND MONEY MAKER. Apparently, while he was driving around peddling his bosses products he came across a billboard advertising wireless headphones. After thinking long and hard he decided it would be genius to invent earrings that could flip into your ears when you wanted to listen to music or talk on the phone. He was beyond excited to share this with me, which is why I felt so guilty when I busted a gut laughing in his face. Here is how the conversation went after I was able to control my laughter:

Me- "You can't be serious."
Him-"What do you mean? It's a great idea."
Me- "So why would you wear the head phone as earrings?"
Him- "Because they are wireless and it would keep you from loosing them. They would always be hanging in your ear. When the phone rings you just flip them up. It's a time saver."
Me-"That's stupid. Are you aware of how large they would have to be? And how do you plan on making them light weight enough to dangle from a hole in the ear? Also, have you never heard of Bluetooth and Earbuds?"
Him- "You know what, Jen, I was just trying to help you out by sharing something that would sell like hot cakes. If you don't want to do it that's fine, but I still think it's a good idea. Women would love it!"

Folks I could be wrong and he could have something here. But as a woman I can tell you I don't "love it". Can you imagine sporting a pair of Casio's instead of your diamond studs? No thanks.

The Fix:
Do your research before you share your AMAZING ONE OF A KIND MONEY MAKER with anyone. I know it's exciting when you think of something new, but keep in mind, if you are going to share it there is a good chance someone will call you on your stupidity. Oh, and by the way honey, some idiot did make those earrings. They look as stupid as I imagined and after inspecting them I can promise they are not selling "like hot cakes". Get yourself some tinfoil and I'll make you a helmet.

"If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face. On the upside, everyone around you will get a good laugh."-Walter T. Pratt

If you are going to say you are a writer, back it up by actually being one.
**I say writer because that's where I'm coming from, but really this goes for anything you choose to label yourself with.

Recently someone asked me what I do. I knew right away that this person wanted to know what I do to make money, but I didn't know if it was socially acceptable to say that I "do" someone with a full time job and great health benefits. Instead I weighed my options. Currently I am a stay at home mom/housewife that writes a blog and is hoping to get a book deal. I could go with that mouth full or I could skip the boring part and look interesting. Tuff choice...I told the woman I'm a writer and regretted it instantly. After allowing my delusion to slip out she asked me what I wrote. That's when things got humiliating. I told her about the blog first. She responded with a look that told me this qualifies me as a writer about as much as singing into a hair brush makes me a singer. Then I told her I was writing a book too. Her follow up to that was to ask me who my publisher is. When I couldn't answer that question she smiled and wished me good luck. As she walked away I couldn't help but wish I was a better liar.

The Fix:
Practice your social "about me" chat in front of the mirror in your bathroom. This will give you a chance to perfect your delusion while still allowing you the privacy to lay down a hot Celine Dion track.

Wow, this is by far my most worthless blog... I'm so sorry for the time suck. If you take only one thing from this today let it be the tinfoil helmet. Not only would you look outstanding in it, the helmet will keep your dreams safely stored inside your mind where they belong.

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